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Tuesday, September 21, 2021 at 12:26 AM

Changing My Dating Life After Coming Out as Bisexual

I came out as bisexual when I was 21 years old, although I had been gradually (and typically after a few beers) coming out to my friends since I was seventeen years old. It wasn't until last year, when I was 25, that I came out to the bulk of my family members. Overwhelmingly, the responses have been positive; a few people had assumed my queerness all along, but a few of people reacted negatively, and a small percentage just do not believe in bisexuality outright. This coming out trip isn't especially noteworthy, but the fact that it was so routine is a positive indication of development, and the fact that it mirrors the experiences of many of my friends is reassuring. Beginning to date as a bisexual woman, on the other hand, opened the door to a whole new bag of worms. Giant, glow-in-the-dark worms are everywhere.

We are still not generally accepted when it comes to dating, despite the fact that the vast majority of young LGBTQIA people identify as bisexual (according to the CDC's 2019 Youth Risk Behavior Survey), and are often categorized as either too straight or too homosexual depending on who you ask. My love life has totally changed from the terrifying time I changed my dating profile to ‘interested in everyone' a few years ago; both for the better and for the worst. . .
Cis guys are more interested in threesomes than they are in how I am doing.

In 2021, you would think that bisexual women are seen as more than simply human-sized sex gadgets or fantasy-fulfillment figures, but unfortunately, this is not the case. As an openly bisexual woman, the most frequent interaction I have on dating apps is as follows: I'll talk with someone, get along well with them, they'll propose meeting together, and after I agree, they'll mention that their boyfriend or girlfriend will be joining us. There are a number of couples looking for a ‘unicorn,' often known as a bisexual woman who usually sleeps with an existing pair comprised of a heterosexual male and a bisexual woman, which is OK with me; I'm not here to kink shame and it's not anything I'm against. The deceptiveness is something that I, and other bisexual women with whom I have talked, are very opposed to. Even though none of our profiles specifically request to be a unicorn or state that we are seeking for a threesome, it is distressing that people think this is all that we want. We're searching for genuine connections and love, just like everyone else, and we're not interested in becoming a couple's test subject.
I've finally gained the confidence to explore my sexuality.

When it comes to meeting individuals in person, internet dating has always been more convenient than meeting them in person — at pubs and clubs that aren't entirely queer, it may be difficult to approach someone without knowing their sexual orientation. Dating apps have given me with clarity, and since the danger of violence is not visceral, it seems safer for me to live as my real self in this world.

Because I am a woman, I feel as if my whole education in relationships has been oriented towards heteronormative partnerships, whether it be via television, movies, school, or music. I understand how to read men's signals and how to flirt with them, but learning how to date women has been the equivalent of homeschooling for me; it has been a process of trial and error and a lot of trial and error. When it comes to dating apps, people's motives are more obvious - you've both swiped right on each other and matched because there's an interest between you two. The muddled section about "picking up on signals" has been simplified.